Greath Truths

By: Dennis Bates

If you’re like me, one of the more interesting facets of the Internet is the endless string of emails you receive from friends and relatives who mean well, but really ought to think seriously about getting a life. You know:  the jokes, the websites to videos that are the “funniest thing I have ever seen,” and the always popular chain letters that promise wealth and happiness within 10 minutes of sending the letter on to your ten best friends.

Think about that one for a minute. Do you think they will still be your best friends if you keep filling their inboxes with chain letters? And, if those chain letters really do bring health and wealth, why do the same people keep sending them? If they really worked, wouldn’t those people be on some private island somewhere enjoying their health and spending their wealth?

Let me be crystal clear about this; with the exception of an occasional joke or two, I NEVER pass those things on. Read that as not at all, even if I find some inspirational value in them. I have too few friends as it is. I don’t need to irritate those I have left. It’s an arbitrary rule I have made up that acts as my own personalized spam filter, and it applies to both outgoing and incoming emails. Trust me. It’s better this way for both of us.

Still…and you had to know something like this was coming…occasionally I get something that is just too good to keep entirely to myself, especially when I can add my own cute little comments to it. Forgive me if you have already received this list, but I have pared it down some and added my own observations.

The list is called “Great Truths” and it is broken down into age groups.

Great Truths Little Children Have Learned.

When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.  My daughters taught me that one early when I asked them why they screamed so much when their mother fixed their hair as they were growing up.

Never ask your three-year-old brother to hold a tomato for you. Those of you who don’t get that one never had a younger brother or had to clean the tomato off the walls after you unwisely asked him to hold it for you.

You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. I know about this one personally. I tried it. My mother found the broccoli I was supposed to eat immediately. I still had to eat it, and, trust me, the left over green milk isn’t all that good to drink.

Great Truths Adults Have Learned.

Wrinkles don’t hurt. I should add, if you don’t look in the mirror.

Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber in it, not for the free toy in it. I miss those toys. They were much more fun to play with than fiber is.

Great Truths Older People Have Learned

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. Kind of self explanatory. I’m still considering my options.

When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there. After all, if you’re like me, it’s going to be a while before you find a way to get back up. There’s no sense in wasting all that time. Oh yeah, those communication things you can wear are for wimps!

Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone. Have you ever noticed that at one instant you can have these profound insights that seem so wise and then the next minute…wait, what was I talking about again?

Have a great week full of great truths, no matter what stage you’re in!

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