by: Staci Stallings
This was not one of my planned questions, but God planned it for me.
98% of the time, I’m with God. I mean, we’re a team. We drive together, write together, clean together. There’s hardly a time that we’re not together. Then every-so-often something happens that totally throws me into “Me Mode.”
Have you ever been in “Me Mode”? Mad at the world or someone specific? And your anger is justified, I tell you… JUSTIFIED! And you are just going to be angry, and you don’t really care what God or anyone else thinks because you’ve got a RIGHT to be angry…
Well, here’s in a nutshell what happened. Hubby called about noon to find out if I wanted to eat lunch. He was working across the street. I said that I could, which would mean stopping what I was doing, but he was home, so okay.
Well, they weren’t quite finished yet, but they would be in about 30 minutes if that would work. Actually that would be better so I could finish up what I was doing. In fact, we could then go down to the little cafe and have lunch, which we haven’t gotten to do in awhile. Great.
So far, so good.
Thirty minutes passes. Then forty. Then forty-five.
Hubby calls and says his worker is having issues and it’s going to be a little bit longer, is that okay? Yes. That’s fine. Just let me know.
Well, the issues don’t magically disappear, and now it’s 1:15. He calls and says he thinks we can go. Okay. Great.
I finish up. He comes home. Now it’s 1:30. He’s going to go separate so he can go into town and get some wood he needs. By this point, I’m going to have to go get kids at 3:15, so I might as well figure I’m not coming back either.
So I get in my van and head to the cafe, which is about a 10-15 minute drive from our house. When I get there, my cell phone rings. It’s hubby. Still back at the house. He hasn’t left yet. Apparently someone is emailing something that he needed in order to get the wood. (I know, ladies, but that’s how he operates.)
Can I tell him how to print something off the email. Now my husband can do a lot of things. Computers are not among them.
I talk him into the email program, but there is no email. We wait. He hits the download button. Nothing. Now it’s 1:50, and I’m getting really hungry. He calls the person who is supposed to be emailing it. They have the wrong email address. So finally they get the right one, and the email comes through. Now we’re making progress. I might get to eat before Christmas.
He gets the thing opened, and it opens in some camera application program that I’ve never heard of. “Okay, look around and find Print.” No print. Can’t find it.
Finally I just decided to go home and do it myself.
Now, please picture me. I’m hungry. I’m tired. I’m stressed, and I’ve just wasted more than an hour. I was NOT a happy camper! I was MAD! I was LIVID!
It was then on the drive home that this question occurred to me, and to be honest, I didn’t want to hear it. But let’s see if you know what I mean….
Do I like who I am when I’m not with God?
See, I knew I wasn’t with God. I knew I didn’t want to forgive. I didn’t want to remember there was a reason. I didn’t WANT to breathe and be reasonable. I WANTED to tell someone what lake to go jump into.
By the time I made it home, the question had almost eroded my anger because the truth is, I don’t like me very much when I’m not with God. I’m kinda mean and certainly not very nice. I think bad things and I can get really harsh with people I love.
If you find yourself in “Me Mode,” feeling like God is not there, take a moment and see honestly how that feels. Is it fun? Is it pleasant? Do others want to be around you? Do YOU want to be around you?
If being without God isn’t fun, consider going back and asking for forgiveness and starting over. He really will let you… no longer how long you’ve been in “Me Mode.”
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