The Pain of Rejection

by:  Staci Stallings

It occurred to me the other day how difficult and painful rejection is.  In my stories, the characters often go through experiences and feelings that cause them, at least for a time, to reject the other person–even if they really do love or are falling in love with them.

Maybe the guy has been “once-bitten”–having another love-interest abandon him.  Or the woman is worried about the man controlling her in the relationship and so pushes him away.

Part of writing romance is just this “pushing away” and “pulling together” dance that all couples experience.  It’s hard to be together, on the same page, in the same boat, on one another’s team all the time.  Human nature says that will not happen.  But oh, how hard it is to be rejected.  It can be such a deep wound, especially when we have chosen to make ourselves vulnerable believing the other has our best interests at heart.  To find out that is not always the case is traumatic.

As I thought about this concept and how hard it is to keep loving even when the other rejects you, it further occurred to me that God experiences this every day with His children.  I’ve heard several parents of teens voice this hurt.  “She used to love being with me and doing things.  Now she just wants to be with her friends.”  As parents we know as our children grow up, they will become less and less dependent upon us, but with that autonomy comes a necessary “rejection” that can come as a huge shock if you’re not prepared for it.

I remember in “Fireproof” the scene in which Kirk Cameron’s character is hacked off because no matter what he has done to win her back, his wife keeps rejecting him.  He is angry and bitter and resentful.  He makes this list of all the things he’s done for her, and she still rejects him.

His father, the wise man that he is, points to the fact that Kirk’s character has done the same thing with God.  God gave everything.  His only Son.  His very life.  And still we reject Him.  Even those of us who know and love Him.  We get too busy with other things. We forget to make Him a part of our lives.  We make other things more important and carve out no time for Him.

As I told my Sunday School class the other day, “What if I came to see you and I talked the whole time, never let you say a word, and then left?  Would you think I was a great friend you wanted to spend more time with?”

The amazing thing to me is that God, even when we’ve rejected Him, forgotten about Him, and neglected Him, will take us back in a heartbeat if we just turn around.  It’s amazing that He doesn’t go, “Nope.  You’ve done this one too many times.  I’m outta here.”

Because I imagine if we are made in the image of God that means God probably has feelings too.  And I know how difficult it is to consistently return love for hurt when someone hurts you.  That God is able to do that with absolute consistency is mind-blowing.

I do wonder sometimes if that is one reason Jesus wept.  “I’m going to do all of this for them, and they still aren’t going to get it.”

Imagine if it were you.  Imagine that you were going to lay down your life like Jesus did for someone you love so desperately, and that when you did, they would turn around and deny you, and forget you, and make everything else more important.

What love that must be to persevere in the face of that!

*~*~*

A book you can read right along with your teenage daughter!

Dreams by Starlight

“All that you can do is all you must.”

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Read the first chapter!

Patience is…

By:  Staci Stallings

Patience hasn’t always been a strong suit of mine.  Sometimes it still isn’t.

A couple weeks ago, I got really antsy because I hadn’t been writing anything, and by anything, I mean… if it wasn’t the blog, it wasn’t being written.  I had plenty to write including one book that was about 150 pages from the end.  It had come to a dead STOP several months before.  I couldn’t have told you why.  Still can’t.  It didn’t even seem like that big of a roadblock.  It wasn’t like some I’ve encountered, where there was a thread that wasn’t making sense or something equally frustrating.

With this one, I just didn’t know what came next as in, “Okay. Now what?”

Frustratingly, I knew what happened after that, but this piece just wasn’t there.  And nothing I did was working.  I went back and read a good bit of the story.  Then I got to that sentence.  “If you want to, call him.”

Worse, I knew she DID call him.  But the words were not there for me to continue.  I was just… blank.

Now I have had some strange experiences with this kind of thing.  It’s kind of the reverse of a Holy Spirit Moment.  It’s more a Holy Spirit Stop Moment, and let me tell you, they are frustrating!

I mean, come on.  It’s a PHONE CALL.  I’ve probably written hundreds of them at least.  Why was this one so hard?  Why couldn’t I come up with the words to even get it started?

On Tuesday, I drove by a local church, one that always has a short witty saying out front.  This one was particularly relevant to me.  It said simply:

Patience is trusting in God’s timing.

I knew that was right.  I’ve lived through waiting for His timing enough times to know that His timing works, mine doesn’t.

I like the concept of God’s timing much better than the concept of patience.  Patience is hard.  God’s timing, for me, just makes sense.  It lets me relax and quit pushing.  I just have to wait for God to say, “Go.”

So it was interesting when that day I sat down with my story, and it was suddenly there.  It was nothing earth-shattering.  It just took off.  I”ve now written another 90 pages since then, but here’s the thing.

I may have told you that there are certain people on the planet who really inspire me.  Tony Romo, Brett Farve, Keith Urban are three of them.  I can’t explain it more than they inspire me to get in there, love what I’m doing to the max, and just… LIVE!  No fear.  No regrets.

One such person that I’ve found in the last year is Nick Jonas.  (I know.  I know.  Hear me out.)  This is a young man who came out of nowhere with his brothers and became a worldwide sensation.  Now sometimes when that happens, the person has no grounding and the world just takes over.  But something happened to Nick when he was 14 that yanked him into reality and has kept him there.  He got diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes.

At the time, he and his brothers were already making a name for themselves.  He was young.  He had the world by the tail, and all of a sudden, life came crashing down around him.

So last night I was searching iTunes for some of his music because he’s one who really inspires me, and they had put up a concert he did back in January.  During one song, “A Little Bit Longer” that he wrote about getting the diagnosis, he spoke about how most of the time he’s very positive, and he speaks about the diagnosis and fighting through it and not letting it stop you.  But, he said, there was one moment he doesn’t talk about much, one moment when going on looked like more than he could do.  He said, “It was the moment I asked, ‘Am I going to die?'”

I don’t know what it is about how he says it, but you can FEEL the fear and the sadness of knowing the life he had planned might never happen.  You can also hear the temptation to quit because it’s all pointless anyway.  Hearing it, you know, this kid isn’t just telling a story to get the audience on his side.  He’s really sharing the deepest most painful moment of his life.  Why?  Because I think he gets it that he’s not the only one who’s ever been there.  He understands that everyone has those defining moments, the moments that change who you are forever because they change how you see life itself.  It’s saying, “Look, I’ve been there.  Don’t give up, okay?  Because tomorrow is possible.”

Today, I did a little more searching, and I found a short clip of him with a young girl who had been diagnosed with diabetes as well.  He has her up on stage because at his concert during his song, “Who I Am,” people hold up signs “defining themselves.”  “I Am a Teacher.”  “I Am a Daughter.”  “I Am Hopeful.”  This little girl’s sign apparently said, “I am a Diabetic.”  Which is just like the sign he holds in the video.  So he called her up on stage, and he’s asking when she found out and how she’s doing.  He tells her to chase her dreams and never let anything stop her.  It is the most touching thing because it is honestly like it’s just him and her, no stage, no audience.  He didn’t have to do that.  He didn’t have to acknowledge someone else who is struggling and give them a special moment in the limelight.  He didn’t have to, but he did.

That’s the kind of person I want to be.  Open.  Honest about my journey.  Sharing parts of me that maybe I’m scared to admit.  Why?  Because in sharing my story, someone who is struggling might find a little hope, a little assurance, a little peace.

Not sure I can explain why, but those two little clips of him sharing himself opened the floodgates of my life.  I wrote today.  Just wrote.  Being me.  Letting my life and my experiences pour out into the words through the characters.

I think that may have been what God was waiting for.  I’m so glad I chose to follow instead of forcing my agenda on life.

This feels strangely like freedom.

I would never have thought that freedom would come from being patient until now.

God is so cool!